Embrace Your Destiny: Escape to Gardening

Loleh's smile for Grandma

“Let’s try caladiums in the barrel pot out at the shed. Don’t they take shade?” When I’m feeling sad and still fatigued after family leave, I usually get busy doing something I really enjoy. Baby Loleh, Liz and Philippe brought lots of energy and fun for two nice weeks. They went home, leaving a big empty space here. While I don’t miss the meal planning and preparation, I do miss their company, especially Loleh’s special “Grandma” smile.

This time, the really enjoyable activity I want to do is planting our summer garden. I love everything about this pre-summer ritual. I have been pondering what I might plant for weeks. We only buy and plant herbs, vegetables and flowers that we know we can grow. We are done with tomatoes, beans, vines like cucumber and squash, and anything that gets wormy. We have limited space and scattered success with vegetables. To save ourselves angst, we plant what we know works. 

Embrace Your Destiny: Motivated by Loleh

Side planks with Loleh's help

 “Loleh, you can help me do planks! Watching you gives me power. You make this very hard exercise fun. I LOVE watching you grin at me. Do I make you happy? You sure make me happy.” 

 This has been an every morning ritual since Loleh and Liz have been visiting. Loleh fills the room with his energy and unfortunately, sucks mine from me. By the end of each day, I am exhausted and hopefully in bed by 8:00 pm.

Embrace Your Destiny: Apprendre Français

Sightseeing at WWII Museum

First trip to Paris, we were ignorant tourists. Liz was our guide and navigator. Second trip, we were staying with Liz in Aix.  She was teaching at the university and we were on our own during the day.  I loved Aix and learning about artists who painted there. We went to notable towns and museums and saw lots of antiquity around the Provence Region. Liz planned our itinerary for each day. Over dinner, we reported on all we saw. Somehow, we muddled our way through adventures to Avignon, Nîmes, Saint Remy, Pont du Gard, Marseille, and Arles.

Donnie’s high school French served us well. I was no help at all, but our incompetence did plant a seed in my mind,“Perhaps you should get serious about learning French. Liz will likely spend a lot of time over here with her goals for French.“ I couldn't hear the sounds to correctly say words. My processing time too slow to even do fundamental greetings.

 

Embrace Your Destiny: Consider What's Possible

 

Walking up driveway

I am obsessed with walking. It’s true. Actually, I have been obsessed for a long time. What I want is comfortable, effortless walking. I remember what it felt like and occasionally, I feel close to that. I started noticing my walking way back before I knew I had MS. By the time I was diagnosed, I had to think about walking constantly.

For twenty years I have been identifying problems. These are the big ones:

 

1. Walking straight without listing to the left.  

2. Picking up my right toe. Flexing the right ankle  

3. Relaxing my shoulders to swing my arms naturally  

4. Looking right and left while walking  

5. Controlling the hyperextended knee 

6. Controlling the toe from kicking out 

PT session with Thomas

Thomas Minton, my Physical Therapist has helped me work on these specific issues. He has been helping me for seven years. Finally, I feel more natural walking most of the time. My knee flexes in coordination with my ankle and foot. I can look right and left and talk at the same time.

 

So, my goals have shifted to focus on improving strength, speed and distance. I use my I-phone heart app to keep track of my progress. Everyday is different. Improvement is slow.

Our driveway is scary. It’s gravel and steep. Going down and up is challenging. I have fallen walking down. Sometimes the gravel slips and slides underfoot. It's easy to get overbalanced when I am not paying attention. I prefer to wait for Donnie to hold onto going down, but occasionally I’ll be audacious and start going down alone. But, I concentrate on each step. “Thomas said to go slow and take small steps. Do the zigzag. This feels okay so far but the slippery area is approaching. Slow down more; take smaller steps. Good, I hear Donnie coming. I’ll just wait here.”

A cool morning walk

Today the temperature was perfect for a morning walk. There was a slight breeze and not hot yet. When I get hot, the nerves literally melt. My leg muscles feel exhausted, heavy and limp.

I wanted to see how I would feel taking a longer morning walk. We had already done hot yoga and then I did a strength workout. When we started I was dubious about meeting my goal. I thought, “Legs, I’m sorry about the workout. Did we do too much? You are already complaining. Well, let's see what you can do.”

The more we walked the better legs seemed to feel. We walked a little beyond where we sometimes turn around. Donnie looked at his watch and said, “We should turn around. Look at the time.” 

I did and said, “Let’s go a little bit farther. I’d like to see if I can make two miles.” After we turned around, I talked to legs again. “I’m impressed. You feel okay right now. Maple Swamp hill will be challenging. It's okay if you start complaining. I expect that so I'll help by concentrating." 

Satisfied rest and water on front porch

That’s when I double down talking to legs. “You’re doing great! I have only noticed a few toe taps, right leg. Left leg, stay strong. This hill is always tough but it’s all downhill after we reach the crest in just a few more strides. We’ll stop for water when we get to the top. It's not much farther and then the big push up the driveway. Don't make Donnie get the car for a rescue. We can do this!”

My distance is slowly increasing. Confidence in my stride is coming back. I know I can walk by myself, where it’s safe. How far I can go at one time is evolving. What I like is feeling empowered and strong each time I beat my distance goal. I like knowing I can handle myself when traveling. And, I like feeling the strength training kicking in. I’ll keep checking my distance average on the I-phone app. I won’t set a limit on what’s possible. Who knows what the next milestone will be? I’m open to all possibilities.

Embrace Your Destiny: Be Audacious

Doing yoga on a cruise

“Ms. Lucifer, we’ve been trying to get along for twenty years. You were the audacious one during the first half of our journey. You were bold. You ruled me completely. I’ll admit that you were ever present in my mind. I didn’t like you then. Now, I feel like I have come to terms with you in the second half of our acquaintance. Now, I am being audacious in dealing with you. Don't you like this cool word, "audacious" that I learned in Toastmasters? Toastmasters stimulates my audacity. I’m definitely keeping you at bay.”

Ms. Lucifer was quick to note some setbacks. She said, “As I I recall, being audacious has gotten you into trouble. Aren’t I right? 

Embrace Your Destiny: Just Let Go!

 

My Meditation Place

Ohmmmmm, ohmmmmmm, ohmmm. My singing bowl lulls me into a peaceful meditative state. It feels good to let go, really let go. This is a space where there’s no right or wrong, no judgement, no worries. It’s just an inward focused peace.

 

I started meditating as a mindful healing practice when we lived at North Topsail Beach. I had read about meditation as a good tool to manage symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis. Needing some guidance, I started looking. I didn’t know what I was looking for but when I saw it, I knew. On Wall Street in Asheville, I saw a window display with Singing Bowls in a store with an India motif. I said to Donnie, “Let’s go in and learn about these bowls.”

Embrace Your Destiny: Rant With Lucifer (aka MS)

Walking solo

I was trying to copy my memoir piece into Docs when, something happened with the file. It disappeared! I couldn't deal with doing it over that late in the day. The next morning, this is what I wrote:

 “Lucifer, you struck a low blow yesterday when you deleted my memoir piece. I think you did that on purpose. Did you want to show me who’s in charge? I bet you didn’t like how I portrayed you. Well, if you didn’t like yesterday’s piece, get ready for this one. I know you for the dark element you are into my otherwise very nice life.

You didn’t like the independence and confidence I felt after doing my first solo walk.  Admit it. You intentionally create  doubts, fears, worries, and other bad thoughts I have about walking and falling. That way you can keep me under your control.”

Embrace Your Destiny: What Am I Doing?

 

Memoir Group Zoom Meeting

"Let’s see. This piece is going to be about memoir group. Our zoom meeting is tomorrow and I can’t go empty handed.Their feedback keeps me going.”

I have this conversation with myself often because I get confused. My purpose for doing memoir and blogging is to tell my Multiple Sclerosis story.

Embrace Your Destiny: Find a Hobby

Wedding gift for friend Heather

“Quilting? I don’t know. I’ve always thought of quilting as being something old people do. On the other hand, do you think they would teach me? It fits with my interests  so it could work. Maybe I’ll call to check it out.” This was my end of a conversation with Donnie about quilting as a new hobby.

 

I wanted to find a new hobby that would stimulate my mind and creativity and that could be useful. I wasn't interested in anything that would need lots of new equipment or be real expensive.  Living in North Topsail Beach posed other problems. I didn't want to spend a lot of time driving somewhere and I wasn't sure where to even look for a workshop. I was at loose ends.

Embrace Your Destiny: Make Some Cookies

He plants my daffodils and I enjoy them

 “Ouch! You’re squeezing my hand too hard and it hurts! Do you have to hold me so tight?” This is just one of my many rants inflicted on poor Donnie, my walking partner. 

All MS patients need a Donnie. I call him "caregiver". He prefers  the term"partner".  We have both grown into helping each other. His "partner" term works well for all  the stuff that I either can’t do by myself, am too fatigued to do, or I’m not good at doing. 

Embrace Your Destiny: Watch the Steps

Last Resort is at the top of the hill

What were we thinking? The first house we built at Cape Island, North Topsail Beach was too tall, too big and too hard. It turned out to be a good lesson for building our next house back on the farm in Mills River.

The beach house we called Suntracker, had three tall levels. I loved the whimsical look. It was white with lavender trim and a red metal roof. I loved the magnificent views of water all around. I didn’t love the generous deck because it was always either too hot or too windy to enjoy eating or sitting out there.

Eating outside on the deck was tricky, an adventure. We had to shift the table from place to place to find a spot not too hot or too windy. We tried entertaining on the deck. For example, one beautiful spring day when we had company, we planned to eat lunch on the deck. Lunch was on the table when the breeze picked up. We forgot that at the beach, around 12:00 noon, everyday, the wind picked up. By the time we sat down to eat, the wind was so strong it literally blew salad out of the bowls and chips off the plates. We ended up moving indoors.

Low-rise Steps going into Last Resort

We had space in abundance. The Garden Level was for parking, exercise, and working. The second level was living and entertaining, and the third level was our bedroom and office. Up and down, up and down. It was good exercise but grew tiresome. The elevator was okay for hauling heavy stuff up but too slow for everyday use. Sometimes we would go up and down all three levels maybe five or more times a day. We never considered how the heat and humidity would effect my Multiple Sclerosis symptoms.

We learned from living in Suntracker and used that knowledge in building The Last Resort in Mills River.  We put all our living space on the main level. Natural aging with regular joint and muscle aches and pains seems to call for limiting steps. Our builder insisted that we incorporate handicap accessible features as well. Thank you Sam Riddle!

 

I like the look and functionality of a two level house. We use the second floor on our terms. The doorways, hallway and stairway are wide enough to accommodate a wheel chair, if needed. I haven’t needed one yet. We have handrails on all stairs and grab bars in abundance. The few steps coming into the house are few in number and low rise making them easier to go up and down. I really appreciated those easy steps early in recovery from my fractured pelvis. With a spot from Donnie and using my walker for support, I could go up and down as needed to get to the garage.

Our hot yoga studio

The Pandemic came and we were sequestered inside more than usual. I said Donnie, “Can we make the guest bathroom upstairs into a hot yoga studio? We need to keep doing hot yoga. I think two mats will fit and with the shower on, maybe it will get a little hot.”

He surprised me saying, “We can. We should be able to get an Infrared light too. I’ll look for that on Amazon.” In no time, we were all set for doing hot yoga in that bathroom.  We added a few kettle bell weights to our collection, bought a bosu, dusted off the exercise ball and now we have a workable gym upstairs. Even the staircase has become a tool for some of my exercises. I tie stretch bands around the newels to do rows and other upper body exercises, and I use the steps for several leg strengthening exercises. I have found ways to modify most of the weight training lessons my trainer provided me.When company comes, we move the Infrared light and mats to the downstairs office. Upstairs is for company and grandchildren!

One exercise I do on the steps

We are happy with the lessons we learned from Suntracker. The Last Resort is not too hard or too big. We used hardwood flooring instead of hard travertine stone. Standing on hardwood is easier on the legs than standing on stone for long periods of time. That has made a big difference for me, especially in the kitchen. Our goal was to make everything needed for everyday living on the main level.. The office, quilting room is multipurpose. This gives us flexibility of space needed when entertaining.