Embrace Your Destiny: Consider What's Possible

 

Walking up driveway

I am obsessed with walking. It’s true. Actually, I have been obsessed for a long time. What I want is comfortable, effortless walking. I remember what it felt like and occasionally, I feel close to that. I started noticing my walking way back before I knew I had MS. By the time I was diagnosed, I had to think about walking constantly.

For twenty years I have been identifying problems. These are the big ones:

 

1. Walking straight without listing to the left.  

2. Picking up my right toe. Flexing the right ankle  

3. Relaxing my shoulders to swing my arms naturally  

4. Looking right and left while walking  

5. Controlling the hyperextended knee 

6. Controlling the toe from kicking out 

PT session with Thomas

Thomas Minton, my Physical Therapist has helped me work on these specific issues. He has been helping me for seven years. Finally, I feel more natural walking most of the time. My knee flexes in coordination with my ankle and foot. I can look right and left and talk at the same time.

 

So, my goals have shifted to focus on improving strength, speed and distance. I use my I-phone heart app to keep track of my progress. Everyday is different. Improvement is slow.

Our driveway is scary. It’s gravel and steep. Going down and up is challenging. I have fallen walking down. Sometimes the gravel slips and slides underfoot. It's easy to get overbalanced when I am not paying attention. I prefer to wait for Donnie to hold onto going down, but occasionally I’ll be audacious and start going down alone. But, I concentrate on each step. “Thomas said to go slow and take small steps. Do the zigzag. This feels okay so far but the slippery area is approaching. Slow down more; take smaller steps. Good, I hear Donnie coming. I’ll just wait here.”

A cool morning walk

Today the temperature was perfect for a morning walk. There was a slight breeze and not hot yet. When I get hot, the nerves literally melt. My leg muscles feel exhausted, heavy and limp.

I wanted to see how I would feel taking a longer morning walk. We had already done hot yoga and then I did a strength workout. When we started I was dubious about meeting my goal. I thought, “Legs, I’m sorry about the workout. Did we do too much? You are already complaining. Well, let's see what you can do.”

The more we walked the better legs seemed to feel. We walked a little beyond where we sometimes turn around. Donnie looked at his watch and said, “We should turn around. Look at the time.” 

I did and said, “Let’s go a little bit farther. I’d like to see if I can make two miles.” After we turned around, I talked to legs again. “I’m impressed. You feel okay right now. Maple Swamp hill will be challenging. It's okay if you start complaining. I expect that so I'll help by concentrating." 

Satisfied rest and water on front porch

That’s when I double down talking to legs. “You’re doing great! I have only noticed a few toe taps, right leg. Left leg, stay strong. This hill is always tough but it’s all downhill after we reach the crest in just a few more strides. We’ll stop for water when we get to the top. It's not much farther and then the big push up the driveway. Don't make Donnie get the car for a rescue. We can do this!”

My distance is slowly increasing. Confidence in my stride is coming back. I know I can walk by myself, where it’s safe. How far I can go at one time is evolving. What I like is feeling empowered and strong each time I beat my distance goal. I like knowing I can handle myself when traveling. And, I like feeling the strength training kicking in. I’ll keep checking my distance average on the I-phone app. I won’t set a limit on what’s possible. Who knows what the next milestone will be? I’m open to all possibilities.

Embrace Your Destiny: Be Audacious

Doing yoga on a cruise

“Ms. Lucifer, we’ve been trying to get along for twenty years. You were the audacious one during the first half of our journey. You were bold. You ruled me completely. I’ll admit that you were ever present in my mind. I didn’t like you then. Now, I feel like I have come to terms with you in the second half of our acquaintance. Now, I am being audacious in dealing with you. Don't you like this cool word, "audacious" that I learned in Toastmasters? Toastmasters stimulates my audacity. I’m definitely keeping you at bay.”

Ms. Lucifer was quick to note some setbacks. She said, “As I I recall, being audacious has gotten you into trouble. Aren’t I right? 

Embrace Your Destiny: What Is Your Goal?

I needed some inspiration to help me zero in on this blog post. My reader  blog comments did the trick. Inspiration washed over me! Thank you for taking time to comment.

What I strive for everyday is to feel good, happy and motivated. Sometimes before breakfast and hot yoga, I notice aches, pains and worries. Getting locked into my daily routine of yoga, weight work, piano practice, and healthy eating fixes all my issues. 

During this pandemic, it’s more important than ever to remain positive.  A special edition on Multiple Sclerosis of Brain and Life Magazine came in the mail recently. It was packed full of information about the disease that validated everything I do. Furthermore, since I have the Primary Progressive type of MS, I should be slowly deteriorating. My husband Donnie agrees with me that I’m not. i feel better, walk better, have more energy and can do more than when I started this journey twenty years ago.

Embrace Your Destiny: Oh the Places You'll Go

New Year's Eve on the Silhouette

 I love the book by Dr. Seuss Oh, the Places You'll Go! The problem for me is getting the will and courage to take the plunge to go. The fear factor that always gets in the way.

"Places" conjures up destinations. But that's not all the places we can go. Other places we go are personal. These are things like leadership opportunities, relationships, starting a new venture, joining a new group. These personal "places" can be the most challenging of all. The fears, the waiting, the decisions, the setbacks and confusion are still the same.

Recently I've traveled on a cruise to the Eastern Caribbean and islands of the West Indies with Donnie. Then just a short time later I traveled to Laguna Beach for a trip with sister Penni. Both trips to delightful, warm, exotic places. Both also full of challenges.

Embrace Your Destiny: Friends Have Your Back!

Sister Penni invites me most years to a Marketing Executives' Conference or MEC. This group includes around 30 members and spouses with many of the same people coming each year. Penni invites me. I returned mid September from Detroit. My first encounter with the group was in Sedona, Arizona, I had only recently been diagnosed with MS. My walking was jerky but I was excited to join her.  Over the years I've met some truly awesome people and look forward to catching up on their lives. Some have retired and no longer come regularly. New members join with spouses.

I've made lots of friends among both members and spouses. When I go, it feels like they envelop me with their welcoming spirit. They do everything possible to make sure I move places safely. One really neat thing to discover is that there are spouses who are interested in doing hot yoga with me. Matt and I have found Bikram studios in Oklahoma City, Portland and now in Detroit.

Having a yoga buddy in strange places is really good for me. New studios are fun but also a bit daunting to figure out. First of all, getting there is an issue. Luckily this one was in Midtown Detroit and fairly close to the meeting site.

Me and Matt

Matt had my back on the first trip over to Bikram Midtown. I was fumbling around with the Uber app I had used all of one time when Matt joined me. We had agreed to meet at 5:30 am to make the early class. Immediately, Matt took charge of the Uber transport. We got to practice yoga two times. That totally exceeded my expectations.

We stayed at the Marriott Rennasiance. It was huge. After we got back and cleaned up, I had planned to go with the other spouse guests for a walking tour. I either missed the connection time or the meet up place. I was just about to strike out alone when John showed up in the same elevator with me. 

John and I at the Detroit Lions Stadium

John, another spouse friend, had my back the rest of our free time. My legs were fatigued from the hot yoga, but willing to walk. He let me hold on to his arm and made sure I didn't fall. We walked over to the sporting stadiums and got selfies. It was farther than I wanted to walk back so John suggested we take the trolly. The walk to the trolly pick up was doable. The trolly ride itself was a nice experience.

During bus rides and other free time, I took advantage of reconnecting with old friends who go way back to Sedona. I asked Erwin Furukawa an Executive member if he remembered anything about me twelve years ago. I was fishing for any observations about changes in movement, speech, or mental acuity. He offered right off that my speech is much improved from what he remembered early on. He noted that I speak more fluently and get thoughts articulated more quickly now. This opportunity to see people over time allows me to validate the things I'm doing as being worthwhile.

Another new friend and spouse shared with me that she has recently been diagnosed with the Relapsing Remitting form of MS. She was doing awesome. I would never have guessed she has MS. She told me the symptoms that got her to the doctor was that the top of her head was numb, for a couple of months. She mentioned another symptom too, but the numbness in the head was different. She told me she is taking the other oral drug and is doing well on that.

It was during the tour of the Ford Museum on the second day that Penni got called back to Boston to handle an emergency situation. She literally left mid tour. With the busy schedule, her absence didn't register. Well, middle of the night it hit me! Penni isn't here to help me get my boarding pass and transportation back to the airport! I'm on my own to get back home. The only way I got any more sleep was to take some deep breaths and convince myself that my MEC friends would have my back. 

Sure enough, the next morning, Irene the Chair of the Conference took care of all my worries. She asked her Assistant Marie to help me. American Airlines had sent my boarding pass to my email. Marie showed me how to take a photo of the boarding pass and save to my Apple Wallet. I was so relieved!

Evening dinner and games

I certainly missed Penni being with me through the whole trip and especially the last night. My enjoyment of all the activities however, was not impacted. I felt included and cared for. My trip home was uneventful too. I must admit that it took about a week to recover. I loved going to Detroit and learning about how it became great. My total experience was awesome. I continue to remind myself that there are wonderful people who want to be helpful. All I have to do is accept graciously.

  

Embrace Your Destiny: The Rewards of Hard Work

This is younger sister Penni on the right. We were doing a selfie at one of the many adventures she has invited me to over the years. The neat thing about Penni's trips, is that she has meetings in really nice places with great people and fun things to do. I think she must pave the way for me with attendees. Everybody embraces me like an old friend and makes sure I feel included in the spouse activities.