Embrace the Journey: Self Confidence Matters, A Curated Blog

Retired and happy 

For me, having MS was the beginning of a long journey. I lost my identity then I retired soon after. I learned about MS  and managed me while the future unfolded. Through it all, I never gave away control. I never lost sight of my powers of choice, positive thinking, and managing myself. I couldn’t anticipate all the challenges but I knew that self confidence and determination would carry me through.

Self confidence develops over time but starts with our genetic make-up. It’s acquired through practice and having little successes. Success builds on success. We read cues from many different people and situations. We discover our strengths and interests through social, academic and sports experiences. Positive feedback boosts us up while negative takes us down. The MS diagnosis was worse than a negative input. I felt lost, unsure about everything and really confused.

Strengthening body

I needed to regain my self confidence. I was good at my work, but I was at the end of my career in NC Cooperative Extension. While working I kept the swagger in my walk and appeared to be normal. The symptoms weren’t too noticeable early on.

Retirement became complicated with the MS diagnosis. I didn’t realize how much of my identity and self confidence was linked to work. It took about fifteen years to figure that out put me back together. 

Learning to be comfortable with my body and what it could do was a key to regaining self confidence. Walking was my constant indicator. When I noticed any decline in walking stride or pace, I doubled down to fix it. Sometimes, my doctor would recommend change of drug therapy. I asked him to expand my use of Physical Therapy. 

Walking gives me confidence

Feeling more confident physically really boosted my self confidence. I felt good about getting involved in community service. I found my niche working with people and developing volunteers. Both my self image and self confidence improved, and then we moved back home to the mountains. 

Self confidence is tricky. It rises and falls as situations change. The move home put me in a dive, but I knew how to build it up again. This time I had specific goals to improve my oral speaking and write my memoir. I joined Toastmasters and found my Memoir Group. Both groups have shaped, energized and improved me.

Anything that makes you feel good about yourself and that you enjoy doing will build your self confidence. You be the expert, set an example for others to follow. Perfection isn’t necessary. Helping yourself is enough.

Keep the journey going

MS doesn’t go away. It’s a journey. I know that self confidence and the power of me has made a difference in my well being. For 25 years I’ve addressed issues as they arise. Walking well gives me confidence in my capable body. My trainer and physical therapist help me identify and strengthen the weak muscles. 

You may have to dig deep inside to access the power of you, but it’s there. The journey of managing MS needs you to use your power of self confidence to be the best you can be.

Embrace the Journey: Age Gracefully , A Curated Blog

We love to cruise for easy travel

How do you feel about aging? Are you still walking? Could you get up after falling? As we age, these concerns loom large. Problems with walking and falling are worse with Multiple Sclerosis. I’m happy to say that I’m still walking and enjoying living.

MS makes everything more challenging, especially aging. I got over being slow and needing help. Everyday I get to practice humility, gratitude, and tolerance. I'm even learning to be patient with myself. Thankfully, maturity helps everything. 

Don't fall! I was out 8 weeks

In my research about aging with MS, I discovered something really good! The immune system weakens, especially with Secondary Progressive MS, my type. Those destructive T-cells that cause lesions in the brain, get lazy and don’t work so hard. In fact, a trend in treating the disease is to stop drug therapy interventions sometime after age sixty. I have been off my drug therapy for 18 months.

The MS Society did a longitudinal study of patients ages 30 to 76. The anecdotal data in the article confirmed that my path with the disease is normal. It’s still hard to diagnose and the path is different for everyone. We all, MS patients, have widely varied symptoms, but almost all reported improvements in symptoms from doing exercise. 

Walking daily for 30+ years

Scientific data shows that over time, mobility is the symptom that declines the most. Think about it. Leg muscles are large and require lots of strength training just to remain functional. Besides walking, legs help us do simple things like sit, bend down to tie shoes or pick up something. Since MS works relentlessly to weaken muscles, we must work just as hard to keep legs strong. The aging process also works against us. We naturally start losing muscle mass starting early, like in our forties. 

My recommendation is start exercising now if you are not already exercising. It’s never too late and it may be the most important thing you do for yourself. A long time ago, a trainer told me to work my core and leg muscles everyday. I do but I’m still weak. 

PT Thomas keeps me walking

My Physical Therapist says that aging impacts walking and movement for everyone. Walking requires balance, strength and coordination. MS robs us of all three so we have to hit it hard! 

Did you know that aging also shrinks the brain. This undoubtedly impacts processing time, decision making, coping skills and emotional resilience. However, it’s well documented that exercise helps keep the brain nimble and sound. I exercise a lot daily - it’s the one thing I have control over. 

The older I get, the more I look and act like Mama

Let’s not forget the body changes that come with aging either. In my mind’s eye, I see a young me. When I look in the mirror,  I see more and more of Mama. I have her hair which is good, but I’m not so thrilled having her shape and body type. I feel the inevitable slumping shoulders, thick middle, and grumpy dispositions all lurking. We enjoy these caricatures in the comics. I will fight these traits from now on.

They grow up too fast! 

I love growing old is great but only as long as I  continue to be active. In fact, staying active is my job. Having MS complicates everything and makes it harder, but the rewards come in spades. When I exercise, eat well and do my therapies, I feel better and hopefully I look better. I can look forward to taking trips and playing with the grandchildren. The results show in my mobility, which has always been my primary indicator for well being with MS.

Embrace the Journey: Lost Skills? Finding Them! A Curated Blog

Entering Bazaar venue

I thought I had lost my capability to do two of my favorite activities due to MS. I had already discovered losing things like clapping to music, throwing a ball, and bicycling. But, realizing I couldn’t move with the music to dance and coordinate my movements to swim, really hit me hard. 

I was devastated. I felt awkward, off beat and unbalanced trying to do either. Sometimes, swimming was downright scary and always frustrating. I grieved over this new normal. Gradually, I quit trying to do either of them.

 

 

 

 

Performers at Bazaar

It’s only been In the last few years that I’ve noticed a small, positive change. On our recent cruise to the Caribbean the native music energized me. I could feel the beat and my feet wanted to move. 

One venue called The Bazaar, (dining, bar, night club type) was calling me. The vibrant colors, happy music and welcoming culture surrounded us upon approaching. It was like a magnet drawing all visitors into the wonder. 

I responded confidently, to an irresistable urge to get on the dance floor. In the beginning, I was tentative, but as I settled in with the beat and felt the rhythm take over, I surprised myself. I was moving in all directions, backward, forward and laterally. I didn’t fall or even come close! It was so much fun I went back for more later in the week.

Me and the pool

My swimming adventure developed just as I had planned. The ship pool was ideal for my purposes. The water was pleasantly warm, beautiful and inviting. I did my pool work early in the morning when only a few other swimmers were exercising. 

Actually swimming is still not available to me but, I’m improving. I’m challenged with coordinating my stroke with breathing and kicking. After a few strokes, everything gets wonky and discombobulated. My legs start sinking, my mouth takes in water so that I can’t breathe and then I  panic until I touch bottom. If it’s too deep, I dog paddle to the side and regroup. I started my new journey with swimming last last summer at the beach. So I was prepared with exercises to do in the pool.

Doing pool exercises

We  swam everyday both on the cruise and during our week in Florida. With daily practice, my crawl stroke improved tremendously and my backstroke is now respectable. I go farther and coordination is improving. 

I organized the other exercises into a routine that’s challenging and fun. Legs, arms, chest and abdominals all get worked thoroughly. The water is great! because there’s no stress on joints. Plus, it’s great for balance and movement, and offers a really good calorie burn. We must find a way to incorporate swimming into our total exercise program.

Celebrity Excel in background

Why didn’t I start this great therapy earlier? One change is a year-round accessible pool at our gym. Donnie also needs the pool therapy so together we figured out how to make it fun. Now, I’m definitely committed. Getting started on the cruise was a big positive. Also, I think my body was needing something new and different. Whatever, I’m delighted and continuing to see good results for my efforts.

Walking is my Go-to

While balance and movement in general seem to be improved, the big surprise is that walking keeps getting better. My legs are definitely getting stronger and my body feels more stable moving around on land. 

The foot and ankle are moving with better coordination. We have noticed fewer incidents where the toe drags forward making me trip. I’m really glad I am beginning to find both dancing and swimming again. Perhaps the most important lesson is to keep trying.

Embrace the Journey: Find Your Honeypot, A Curated Blog

 

Pooh and Piglet

Happiness and feeling good are my goals in life. Having MS or any chronic illness is a complicating factor, but it doesn’t rob me of the potential. Life with MS is a journey and it’s full of obstacles. Any one issue can detour or slow down my progress, for a minute. But, then I remember that I’m in charge of me so, I’m responsible for my happiness.

I’m a fan of Winnie the Pooh of the Hundred Acre Woods. Recently, I read The Tao of Pooh, by Benjamin Hoff. There’s a lot of wisdom to be gleaned from this simple minded bear. He views the world as a happy, fun place to be. When things aren’t going quite right, his honey pot solves his problems. I aspire to be more Pooh- like.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Family makes me happy

Pooh says what really makes him happy is being with Christopher Robin and having Piglet close by while walking and singing in the woods. Of course, having his full honey pot is a given. His happiness is all about being with friends and doing fun things. I think Pooh has it right.  Doing normal, routine things with friends and accomplishing something as well works for me.

I can deal with a set-back like falling and getting hurt. It’s the little, or big irritations that bother me. Unlike Pooh, I let these aggravations rule my feelings and behavior, sometimes. The internet is a good example. I feel like smashing it sometimes. All those updates on devices and programs that are meant to improve the experience, mostly confuse me. Occasionally, I will discover something I can use. I’m only grateful if, and when I figure out how to do something easier and quicker. Then, I might be thrilled. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Walking makes me happy

Walking is my release valve. Pooh gently reminds us to be grateful for little stuff. I practice feeling gratitude a lot. I appreciate friends who let me vent my anger. After a good walk and talk, I always feel better.

Pooh enjoys the process of living. I agree, and I try to trust the process. It’s easy to be positive when there are so many great people encouraging me. Consequently, I enjoy the journey, most of the time.

The Tao of Pooh, says we are continually crafting ourselves like an artist carves a block of wood. What a great idea! It’s liberating to know that it’s okay for me to be me. I’m a work in progress! I do some things very well. For everything else, I have friends and family. My team,  my “People” keep my body running well and take care of all the other things that cause me stress. Please understand, I practice humility all the time. I rarely have to do stuff I don’t like to do. People want to help me and I’m grateful.

 

 

 

 

Hot Yoga with friends

Having MS is not an excuse for not being happy. It’s hard to accept that I can no longer do some things I use to do gracefully. There are physical, mental and emotional things that just cause me too much stress to do. I use to be that person who could pick up the slack and do wonderful things, but not anymore. Some things don’t fit into my happiness quotient. My bucket list for happiness is full of ordinary routine day to day activities.

                                                                             My Honey Pot List

• 

  Grandchildren, priceless!
  

• 
  Walking in my neighborhood 
• Eating lunch in the sunny morning room
• Doing hot yoga with friends at the studio 
• Exercising
• Bathing in my soaking tub
• Recording a video for YouTube
  
• Writing a piece for Memoir Group 
• Talking with the family on What’s App
• Cooking a fun meal 
• Planning for my summer patio garden
• Traveling with Donnie

   Join me, define your honey pot.