Embrace Your Destiny: Time Travel Back

Taken in 2019 in Arizona

I thought it would be fun to travel back in time to talk with young me. Here is some of our  conversation:

“Hey young Judy, do you recognize me? You will be me in twenty years. Sorry about this diagnosis of MS you just received. I remember feeling sad and like my life was over. It’s not! Would you be interested in a few take aways from my experience managing the disease?
 

Acceptance is really hard. My number one take away is: come to grips with the new you. You are the same, but different. You have an insidious, debilitating disease, but that doesn’t change who you are. You are the same person who has a few limitations. It’s like an “Identity Crisis”. I call this part of the my journey the “Self Discovery” period. Does that make sense?”

Embrace Your Destiny: Be Audacious

Doing yoga on a cruise

“Ms. Lucifer, we’ve been trying to get along for twenty years. You were the audacious one during the first half of our journey. You were bold. You ruled me completely. I’ll admit that you were ever present in my mind. I didn’t like you then. Now, I feel like I have come to terms with you in the second half of our acquaintance. Now, I am being audacious in dealing with you. Don't you like this cool word, "audacious" that I learned in Toastmasters? Toastmasters stimulates my audacity. I’m definitely keeping you at bay.”

Ms. Lucifer was quick to note some setbacks. She said, “As I I recall, being audacious has gotten you into trouble. Aren’t I right? 

Embrace Your Destiny: Manage Yourself

In the Arizona desert, October 2019

January  marks twenty years I have been managing Multiple Sclerosis. The first fourteen years I was adjusting to this new me. I learned what to expect from the disease physically, mentally, emotionally and physiologically. It’s a very complex disease. I have the Primary Progressive type of MS.

My biggest issues have always been physical with spasticity, balance and irregular gait being most troublesome. The mental issues are not as obvious. Reflecting back, I had them. I had plenty of physiological issues too. All the symptoms are insidious in that they creep up from nowhere. For example, in the past three years, I noticed that my core has been slowly going to mush.

Toastmasters is part of my cognitive therapy. I’ve competed in the International Speech Contest several times. After much deliberation I decided to compete again. I have something to say about living with and managing a chronic illness. I can use this platform to communicate that you can manage MS and enjoy doing it. In the past five years, slowly but surely, I am improving. First I had to get out of my comfort zone. I tried new therapies and I continued to work hard. 

Embrace Your Destiny: Track Your Progress

The aging process plus the diagnosis of Primary Progressive MS is a recipe for change in the wrong direction. According to data I have read, I should be on a slow, steady decline. I refuse to accept that fate. The only way I know to determine if I’m going forward or backward on this journey is to document specific tasks and track them from year to year. Since I do feel and walk better than I did twenty years ago, I think I am going forward. 

Looking back over this past year, I can say these things about my body and how it works better than last year at this time:

• My posture is better especially when I am tired.
• I can get up off the floor with more control and agility.
• I do many yoga postures better.
• I get dressed quicker because I step into my pants with greater ease.
• My walking is more fluid with less limp when I get fatigued.
• Getting in and out of the car is easier and doesn't hurt as much.
• Standing in the kitchen while cooking doesn't make my legs feel fatigued.

Plank for 1 minute

You may wonder, what has contributed to these changes. Good question. From all I have read about MS and other neurological diseases, the mind and body work most effectively when the process is coordinated, consistent, intentional, focused on the right things and done mindfully. Two years ago I noticed that my yoga practice was improving but the strength I needed to get into and hold postures was lacking. That’s when I decided to go back to the gym and get a trainer. I believe the work with my new trainer, Evan Camby has taken my walking and overall strength to a better place. Together, the yoga and strength training have facilitated the specific improvements I listed.

My husband, Donnie says he has noticed a big improvement in my mental acuity. He say I process information faster, which is reflected in smoother, more fluid speech. Mental sharpness has been of concern to me from the beginning. This year I have noticed focus and concentration are improved. I was President of Four Seasons Toastmasters which gave me weekly practice in leading, initiating change, making impromptu speeches, coordinating and giving programs.  I believe I work as hard on this part of my journey as the physical and I believe I see results. Here are the activities I do regularly to work on my mental sharpness:

• Piano lessons and practice everyday.
• Puzzles work everyday; word puzzles, picture puzzles, math puzzles.
• Study and practice French everyday using the Duolingo free app on my phone.
• Attend Toastmasters every week to practice speaking and leadership.
• Plan and execute parties and other events.
• Memoir writing weekly.
• Accept speaking engagements. 

Physiologically, I feel great 90% of the time. Headaches are not a problem now. I may have one once a month and Ibuprofen takes care of it. My energy level is nice so that I can do most everything I plan everyday. I give credit to diet and exercise for these improvements It seems like the more I do, the more I feel like doing.

It’s been a while since I talked about diet. I still drink a 16 ounce juice once a day, courtesy of my juice lady Katie Flannagan and Green Heart Juice. I also make bone broth and consume a half cup of that everyday. The rest of my diet includes lots of vegetables, salads, canned tuna and salmon, beans of all kinds fixed all different ways, smoothie for breakfast, and nuts. I’m monitoring the effect of gluten, cheese and sugar on joint inflammation. Recently I have observed that certain postures in yoga are not fully available the morning after eating gluten and cheese. I am following principles from The Wahl Diet and others that incorporate whole foods and plant based foods.

I look at this journey with MS as a challenge to maintain an  an active lifestyle. This work is my job. I still have lots of things to improve. My goal is to stay healthy, mentally sharp, involved with life and learning and to keep improving. Yes, it takes time, planning and some dedication. That is okay with me. I’ll do whatever it takes as long as I see changes going in a positive direction instead of backward.

Embrace Your Destiny: Eat to Live or Live to Eat?

I didn't realize how much my diet contributed to how good or how bad I could feel. I should have known! You don't know what you don't know. I was good at dismissing low energy, fatigue and joint stiffness. I thought I felt  good or okay because feeling just okay was my new normal. Then, suddenly I started feeling really good! My energy was fantastic, and joint pain was at a minimum. I had forgotten how good "good" could feel. This premise of "you don't know what you don't know" was fundamental to analyzing the findings of my research for my dissertation. I found it to be fundamentally true then and whenever I taught or embarked on a new learning project.