Embrace Your Journey: There will be stress

Grandsons back home in Paris

I now have hard, concrete evidence on how stress exacerbates my MS symptoms. I use to be flippant about its effects but I have done an about face since having an onslaught of stress this past month. Here is the itemized list of contributors to my heightened stress levels:

 

1) Sending my grandsons, daughter Liz and Philippe back home to Paris for what will be a difficult fall for them. To say I’m a bit worried is an understatement. 

2) My feet hurt! I learned that my foot has widened and the design of the shoe I was using was wrong for all of my walking issues. Physical Therapist, Thomas told me who to see and what to look for in replacements. The timing for doing this project was stressful.

Aunt Kay

3) My last aunt died suddenly. She was a favorite. We went to the funeral in Cincinnati seeing all the cousins and family. 

4) We took our first long driving trip in the EV Tesla. We didn’t know how to plan the trip for charging stops and it was almost a disaster! 

5) My twice yearly neurologist appointment in Raleigh was on tap for the next week. Still stressful even though I know what to expect. 

What are the concrete things I noticed as things started to unravel?

Physically, my walking felt bad and was bad. My pace was slower by two to three minutes per mile. I didn’t feel stable. Donnie noticed and held onto my hand more during our walk. Most days, my feet hurt from beginning to end of the walk. Donnie said it seemed like my balance was way off.

Cognitively, I was in a fog. I went through my weekly schedule on automatic pilot with my mind prioritizing my feet. Getting new shoes with more toe space ruled. Hence, I was totally caught off guard shopping for new shoes when I took the call from Sarah’s office.

After funeral lunch - Brad and Michelle hosting

Hi, it’s Holly. Is everything okay? You still have time to get here if you want to come.

Oh no! I totally forgot about my appointment with Sarah! I’m shopping for new walking shoes and can’t leave. Can I call you back and reschedule? I guess we’ll get charged for two appointments.

Sorry, but yes, call me back and we’ll get you set up.

Thanks. I really need Sarah’s treatment but I’m getting this done so, I’ll call you back.

 

The psychological issues are more challenging to identify. Aunt Kay’s death being so sudden hit me hard. She was a favorite, and was the last aunt of the Horak clan.

Out of normal routine

After we knew when we needed to leave for Cincinnati, time did funny things in my mind. It seemed to be in warp speed, yet processing information slowed down. I had trouble focusing. I resorted to compartmentalizing. Before leaving for Cincinnati on Sunday, I had to prepare for my Toastmaster duties fro the meeting on Friday following our return on Tuesday. Some meetings fall into place neatly. This one didn’t.

Bad temper and ill humor were ruling my life. I felt angry, combative and argumentative. I found myself taking out my stress on my closest friends and family. This is what I do in my dark zone. I lash out and blame others. I was not being a nice person. 

Back home, back to routine

Luckily, the consequences this time were minimal. I only took one fall ending with a bruise. I only missed one appointment that has been made up and seem to be in fair standing with friends. Donnie responds good to food and I enjoy cooking, so that serves us both well. 

Stress happens. Next time, I hope I will notice the triggers and indicators quicker. Everybody has different stressors and different indicators. I recognize the physical ones easily but the cognitive and psychological are more challenging.