Embrace the Journey: This is Your Life

Connie, Penni and me ending a special weekend

This is your life, Judy Groff. See, it’s not so bad! You do fun stuff and look fairly independent. Looks like you’ve embraced MS. We acknowledge that you have noticeable issues but, you are functioning at a high level. I’m proud of you.

Yeah, but it’s taken over twenty years to figure out how best to keep functioning well. Just when I think I’ve got things where I want them, wham, I fall or something happens to throw me back. Who are you anyway? Why am I even talking to you?

Carrying on, trying to be independent

Good question! I’m the you that lurks deep in your mind and reminds you where you came from and who you are. It’s my job to give you tough love talks when you get down on yourself. You were a mess in the beginning.You felt bad and moved poorly. We had some serious talks back then.

Those early years were hard. Actually, learning to fill the syringe and give myself the shot got me going. That gave me control so I felt empowered. My turnaround started there. I need to feel in control and independent.

You are in a good place now. What do you think happened? You tried a lot of different things and never gave up trying. 

Meditation using singing bowl

I always thought I could improve my walking. I remember getting very frustrated and angry. I’d try something then vigilantly track improvement in how I moved or felt. I experimented with alternative therapies like meditation, massage, yoga, and gym exercise. I had fun with bike riding, until I had a bad fall. It must have been you I would talk to. You always remind me that I’m the one with the power to fix me. 

What fears and hopes were driving you during that time? 

I worried most about losing ability to exercise at all. I couldn’t run anymore and swimming had to be different. Tennis and biking required too much balance and coordination. Almost everything I did had to be modified. Walking has been the one exercise I am doing better now than in the beginning.

Hot yoga in our bathroom studio

What happened to prompt this change?

Several things started coming together. Bikram Hot Yoga was the catalyst that introduced me to new therapies like acupuncture and massage. 

Then I got adventurous and tried “juicing” and bone broth. I went all in at the gym and secured a physical trainer. To challenge my mind, I joined Toastmasters, started taking piano lessons and learning French on Duolingo. 

I started feeling better physically and had more energy. Slowly my walking has improved. With the guidance of my Physical Therapist, I am learning now to walk again (second go round).

Doing Job #1 prepares me to have fun

Sounds to me like you invest a lot in yourself. Do you ever feel guilty?

I do not. Taking care of me is Job #1. Mama had a plaque hanging in the  kitchen that said, “When Mama’s not happy, nobody’s happy.” When I’m tired or feel out of sorts, I’m grumpy. Family and friends want me to feel good. In fact, my favorite quote is, “When you look good, you feel good. When you feel good, you do good.” Yes, I give myself permission to invest in me.  

This is my life! I’m beginning to write the memoir about my journey. The blog posts will be incorporated. This is a story about my struggles and joys. It’s a story about making the best possible life with life as I know it. And finally, it about all the things I can still do albeit with help along the way. 

Readers, you inspire me and keep me going. Give me some feedback. Thank-you.