Embrace the Journey: Reinvent Yourself

At the Peace Center 

Confession. I like being pampered, waited on and catered to. Why? I have more time to exercise my brain, read, do Duolingo or puzzles. I call it “Therapy”. I am unashamedly spoiled and I love it! To be honest, Donnie likes “spoiling” me. He told me recently that it suits him. We have a nice fit! He gives and I take!

He had to have knee replacement surgery this summer. The upheaval in roles challenged both of us. Stressful only begins to describe how we felt. It's tough doing things that are hard. He would do as much as possible then say, “I’m done. I’ve got to sit down and put ice on my knee.”

Since I’ve been working on being more independent, I can say, ”No worries, I’ve got this!” “This” could be any of the many tasks he typically does around the house from dishes to laundry or tending to Sootie the cat. Mowing the big yard had to wait.

With friend Judy Collins at Coeur d'Alene

Suddenly it struck me, I'm leave soon for my trip with Penni to Coeur d’Alene. How good is that! I'll be on vacation! This particular trip has been on my calendar for three years but Covid interrupted things. Donnie was fine with me leaving. I couldn't resist reminding him, “Donnie, I really don’t like being Uber driver, personal assistant, clean-up queen, Concierge, or anything else of a support nature? You'll be fine. There's soup in the freezer and salad in the refrigerator.”

Donnie carrying my juice

MS makes me more dependent than I like. My preference is a balance between independence and dependence. While I don’t embrace being needed, I can do that when called on. I like feeling more self sufficient. With Donnie incapacitated, I had to step up my independence to keep things moving.

It took a long time to feel comfortable in the "dependent" role. Pride got in the way. I didn’t want to admit I had limitations. I considered myself independent and capable.  I insisted on carrying on as usual. I still do but now, I recognize when I need help and ask for it.

Walking safely on Baylor Drive

MS symptoms impact everything. I discovered issues in thinking and decision making, emotional response, and even physiological areas. Recurring health issues all linked back to MS. I needed to reinvent myself. This was perhaps the biggest, most daunting challenge I didn’t want to embrace. I decided to retire at age fifty-five, because I could. I'm glad I did because managing this disease is a full time job.

Flash forward twenty-two years and the role reversal scenario just shared. I like how I'm feeling physically and emotionally. As I noticed deficiencies like keeping a beat, I made a plan to address them. For keeping a beat, I take piano lessons. Walking and feeling good have always been the big needs.

My plan? I noticed that yoga was helping but then I found Bikram Hot Yoga. It has been transformative. Another key has been working with a physical trainer. It's a lot of hard work, but feeling capable and independent is worth the effort.

Working out with my Trainer

My self concept is a work in progress. Recently I have had to push the meter dial to the left to be more independent. It's good to know I can. When I have to flop back to the right and dependency, I know how to do that very well.  Changes big and small move the dial. Falls are the worst, but good and bad stress factor in as well. I’ve added cautious, mindful, and deliberate to my new persona.

Carrying in fresh produce

One thing I’ve solidified in my new persona is that I have to feel good to be a good help-mate for Donnie. We are a team and take care of each other. We have aging and MS to  deal with. Some of my issues with MS are similar to issues with aging such as, balance, loss of strength, and coordination. Diet and exercise seem to be the common denominators. 

Daily walking, hot yoga and regular gym workouts have helped me be more independent. Donnie needed me to be strong so I could do the caregiving tasks I needed to do. I did them with pleasure as a little pay-back to Donnie for the years of pampering I’ve enjoyed. As he gradually comes back into full Donnie mode, I’ll happily relinquish control.