Embrace Your Destiny: Try The Hard Stuff

We just finished getting both vaccine shots

This year seems to be a test. Can I pass Caregiver 101? I already know I’m no good with tending to sensitive family issues and feelings. First, I don’t notice when anyone is having a problem and second, I’m usually at a loss for what to do. 

Donnie is no good with "feeling" issues either, but he does know what to do in a "needs based" situation. He is a "take charge" partner. We muddle through family things equally bad. We try to set low expectations.

 

We both enjoyed playing Grandparent

In a weak moment, I agreed to a one year Deacon role for Trinity Presbyterian Church. All year we have met via Zoom so nobody really got to know me. At our first in person Deacon meeting, I felt like an incompetent imposter. At my moment of reckoning when I had to report on my Parish, I blurted out, “I’m so sorry! I have been playing “Grandma” for a couple weeks and just thought about my Parish today! I missed two birthdays, but I sent late birthday cards. I’ll try to do better.”

Unfortunately, this is a recurring promise. The “feeling” part of my personality got left out. Combine that with a lack of attention to details and I’m just awful. That being said, this Deacon thing is a stressful assignment.

However, the big “care giving” test for me is handling Donnie. Our roles are flip flopped. He is dealing with eye issues and Prostate Cancer. We know Medical Park in Asheville. Both our eye doctors and his prostate cancer doctor are there. He goes daily for radiation treatment for nine weeks. Understand, he doesn’t acknowledge “sick” or “infirm” so when he has issues, I hear about it.

Donnie loves working outside

To look at him, he seems fine. He usually says he is fine. So, what might he need? I’m still trying to figure that out. So far it seems to be diet consulting and positive thinking. He’s convinced that his cataract surgery will need to be redone. I have quit asking, “Can you see any better?”

His response is always the same, “No. In fact I think it’s gotten worse. Something is wrong.”

All I can say is, “You are doing everything right. Maybe it just takes time.” He actually was right. There was something wrong. It's been two months and he is still doing drops for swelling.
 

 

 

He is halfway into the nine week radiation treatment program. I think he is doing great and the doctor says he is doing great. His worst symptoms have been with digestion. After eating, he feels bloating and gas build up. Finally, I said, “Maybe Sarah can help ease your discomfort with an acupuncture treatment. Her treatment sure fixed my stomach issues last month. She works on all the chakras to keep me physiologically fresh and working properly. It can’t hurt. Why don’t you try it?”

Bye-bye sweet treats

After doing his own research, out of the blue one morning, he informed me,“I’m going to see if Sarah can help me. Will you set up an appointment, maybe this week?” 

After his session with Sarah, he was singing her praises. The next day he said, “I haven’t felt this good in months!” Between her needles and the dietary changes she insisted he make, his improvement was swift. Cutting out sweets and cold foods and drinks was a key. He made the changes because Sarah said to. He did it quietly. He told me several days after stopping. Now, instead of cookies for desert, we do yogurt and fruit. Instead of cold cereal for breakfast and salad for lunch, he is eating oatmeal or eggs and hot tea. He seems to be over the hump.

 

 

He iss Cook-out King

My care giving niche is mostly encouragement, preparing dinners he requests, and keeping him exercising. He says he feels better after doing hot yoga and walking. I listen and react to his theories about what the radiation is doing to him.

This role reversal has been really difficult for both of us. We will get through it. His expectations of me are very low. He prefers taking care of me. That seems to make him happy. I’m comfortable being taken care of and being there for him when he needs me. About all I do now is help him remember to do his eye drops. He appreciates that. The Deacon role is a wild card. I’ll have to keep trying.