Embrace Your Destiny: Challenge Perfection

Striving for improved walking

 “I’ve got you this time Perfection! Since being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis,  I have given myself a long term pass to forget about you.”

Perfection just laughs and says, “Judy, you can never escape me. I will always be there lurking in your mind. You see what you could do in your mind’s eye so you keep striving to achieve it. Am I wrong? I don’t think so.”

“Perfection, just GO. Get out of my head! You don’t control me but maybe my personality betrays me. I can’t seem to stop raising the “good” bar. Enough! I do what I can and that’s good enough.”

“I’m back in your head Judy. You have to accept me for what I am, a permanent  personality flaw. You are stuck with me.”

 

Piano lessons with Annette

This conversation is on a loop. It invades everything I practice to improve my MS symptoms. I think that somehow if I practice enough, I’ll achieve Perfection. Practice definitely helps but Perfection is not in my future.

Multiple Sclerosis drives me to do stuff better. “Stuff” could be walking or relaxing over the piano keys or learning French. If I do master one one thing, I add something else to my expectations. Unfortunately, this applies to everything I do including yoga, weight training, Duolingo, blogging, memoir writing and Toastmasters. Maybe it’s my quest to learn just how much I can improve. In reality, I have learned to accept as “good” what I do well any given day. This  makes me happy but not satisfied.

I do know that improvement is all about investment of time and repetition. My life is all about practice. I prefer to practice in the morning when I’m fresh and have more energy and motivation. Toward the end of the week, general fatigue creeps in. I admit to cutting myself some slack then, especially with weight training.

Hot Yoga in La Jolla with Penni

My first volunteer trainer was Cozy, at the YMCA in Raleigh. He made working out fun. He said, “All you have to do is show up. You will improve if you show up everyday.” That was just prior to the MS diagnosis. I still show up despite feeling awkward and clumsy in my efforts; despite feeling frustrated doing exercises that require balancing on one leg; despite just not feeling like doing the hard stuff like Turkish Get-ups.

“Perfection, I'm done with you. I have seen the value of showing up. It does yield improvements little bit by little bit. Every now and then, on a good day, I'll realize that my walking feels natural and I don't have any aches or pains. The Bikram Hot Yoga philosophy is that if you give it 100% effort, you reap 100% benefits. That works for me! Will you meet me halfway?”

Perfection just laughed and laughed.   She said,”You've got it!  I’ll meet you more than halfway. It’s all GOOD.”